To the single woman, past 35, who longs for a partner and kids on Mother's Day

On Mother’s Day, I’ll be excited to celebrate the moms in my life. If the occasion resembles last year, I’ll likely be seated at a long table in a nicer casual restaurant. I’ll silently think of how grateful I am for my mom, my person who brags to her friends about the smallest of my accomplishments, including making tasty guacamole. And I’ll wonder why I, a writer, can never represent my love for her in the space of a pricey greeting card.

My eyes will fall to my sister-in-law. I’ll take the time to appreciate the effort she puts into being a mom to my two young nieces, who melt my heart every time they call me Aunt Boo Boo. And when I look at my nieces, who will likely be steadfastly coloring kids menus or negotiating crayon usage should their packs contain different colors, I’ll try to hold back the tears that start to form as I briefly wonder to my single, 36.83333-year-old self why none of it has happened to me yet. What is taking my forever person so long? How unimaginably wonderful would it feel to have a tottering little one cling to my leg and call me mom?

I recently started working with a dating coach, who introduced me to the concept of evidence boards. Similar to a vision board, it’s a collection of confirmation that what you want is out there. I’m to document times I’ve experienced what I’m looking for in a partner as proof it’s possible. And while I’m still waiting for Theo James’ single, empathetic, cheeky doppelganger to appear, I thought assembling an evidence board (of sorts) for others feeling doubtful that they’ll one day be a mom would be helpful. Like a delivery you’re anxiously tracking, just because you don’t have what you want right this very moment, that doesn’t mean it’s not on the way. And you should know you’re not waiting alone. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that the birth rate of mothers ages 35-39 and 40-44 has risen from 2020-2023.

I'm single at 35and want a family. This decision brought an immense amount of relief.

Hoda Kotb became a mom at 52

Do you know how Hoda Kotb’s second daughter got her name? Kotb, who adopted Haley in 2017 at age 52 and Hope in 2019, told me in March that she knew instantly her name would be Hope.

“I didn't have to see her, I didn't have to know anything,” Kotb, 59, said during a conversation about her children’s book “Hope is a Rainbow.” “She's what I'd hoped for, what I'd hoped for for our family, and she came true.”

I told Kotb that her story comforts me, and she assured me that I have a “long runway” ahead.

“And it's so funny because blessings are so strange,” she added. “Some people get them all when they're 20, and some people get them when they're 30, and some people get them when they're 40, and mine came at 50. You don't know what life has in store for you, but whenever it happens, it's magical. I'm kind of glad it happened now. I'm kind of glad Hope came now, and my family started now because I had this whole other life ahead of me, which is glorious.”

In the face of rejection,cancer and her child's illness, Hoda Kotb clung to hope

Mindy Kaling welcomed her first child at 38

When I chatted with Mindy Kaling during Austin’s SXSW festival in March, I brought up our mutual love of romantic comedies, and I wondered if she’d felt any sadness about her life not following the rom-com formula as I have. Kaling revealed how she knew she was ready to be a mom to her daughter Katherine, 6, and son Spencer, 3, on her own.

“I think when I was in my mid-30s, I sort of started getting tired of the parties that I was going to, where it was like men my age, and then the women were all like 12 years younger than us. And I started being like, ‘Oh, I think that maybe the vibe I want is to be around people who are my age and children,’” Kaling said. “I felt like I had that longing for a change of pace, and that's what really made me be like, ‘I think I'm ready for this next part of my life to begin.’”

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Savannah Guthrie entered motherhood at 42

When Savannah Guthrie and I chatted about her book “Mostly What God Does” in January, she identified with my yearning for a family.

“I felt the exact same way, and I felt such a longing for a family and home and stability, and it was the one thing that I could not make happen for myself, and I was so disappointed and so sad about that for so long,” said Guthrie, mom to Vale, 9, and Charley, 7. “And I remember my mom saying once to me, ‘You know, Savannah, there's nothing wrong with you that this is what your heart’s desire is. It's OK to want those things.’”

“It's so taken for granted by so many that oh, of course, that will happen for you,” Guthrie, 52, added. “And if it doesn't, then you think, ‘Well, what's wrong with me?’”

Savannah Guthrie revealsthis was 'the hardest' topic to write about in her book on faith

Guthrie warned me not to settle. “You can make mistakes when you get impatient for your family that you dream of and all that stuff, and it's a lot of heartache you can spare yourself,” she said. She also advised that we wait with expectancy.

“You're going to wait anyway. You don't get a choice about that,” she said. “It's how you wait, and whether it's for your life partner or something at work or your career, or someone to recognize your talent, we all have to wait. But how we wait, and I'd rather wait with hope.”